Wake up and smell the irony!

Last night was an evening of irony. Even though this is the week that Paris Hilton arrived in Dubai to search for her new "Best Friend Forever" (within which lies yet another irony - for someone who the magazine media claim is a smart and savvy business woman, she apparently genuinely believes she can find a BFF through an audition process, and was suprised after her last series when her latest BFF revealed herself as a Money-Grabbing Beyatch with only her own best interests at stake. Yuh-huh, do you think?), I and my dinner companions were the ones that were Papparazi'd.

Amber (name changed to protect her identity - she's not after the free publicity), my new BFF, has been on a search for "new things" to do this week. She could give Time Out a run for it's money, and the result has been quite possibly one of the most random schedules I have ever witnessed. Day 1: Colonic irrigation with a friend (I ask you - why would you go, and why with a friend? How does that work?). Day 2: Perfecting the Art of Doing Nothing - I believe she nailed it that day. Day 3: Deep sea fishing followed by a spot of 46celsius art gallery hopping. Day 4: Dinner and a Movie at the Ritz. AMber had fallen across a night of French food and Casablanca at La Baie at the Ritz-Carlton in Dubai. It sounded a great idea for a weekend evening and so I and two others duly signed up, got dolled up and went along.

On arrival there was a camera man taking snaps at the entrance to the restaurant. My immediate reaction to these intrusive snappers is always an emphatic "no, thanks". I like my privacy. I go to certain lengths to protect it. I don't reveal too much about myself except to those that I know and trust and so the thought of my photo showing up in a Dubai Slag Mag really is not appealing. Photo dodged, we made it to the bar without further assualt and settled into a scrummy bottle of wine. And then it really started....

Throughout our pre-dinner drinks and well into the movie itself we were approached by photographers and camera men. Because the place was dark to show the movie the camera men used bright flood lights to film people. Despite saying no we were repeatedly approached and so we spoke to someone who seemed to be in charge. Nabil from Memac Ogilvy foolishly gave me his business card (real identity - because he doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone else's privacy so why should I care about his?) and the tried to absolve himself of any blame by putting it on the shoulders of the media present. So we arrive at the next series of ironies. This young man is an Associate Account Director of PR at Memac Ogilvy. That's quite some position of responsibility when you have international clients such as Turner Classic Movies (the host of the evening). As an account director he counsels his clients and makes recommendations. He also manages the relationship of the agency he works for and his client with the media. Did he really not see the impending disaster of having the media at a public event? And if he was stupid enough to do so and still invite the media, did he not manage the expectations of the media in terms of access to the venue and the appropriate times to shoot? Clearly not. Are you registering the volume of my sarcasm? I think you might be.

You'd think that he'd have the grace not to implicate the media he relies on for positive publicity as the cause of our distress and put the blame squarely on his own inadequate handling of his client and the media. You'd also think that he'd have the nouse in the first place not to invite the media to a public event - one that cost us a reasonable amount of our hard-earned cash. Far be it from me to tell him his job, but even I can tell you that media have very different needs to the public. They need to be able to get their cameras in prime locations even if it involves blocking the view of those around them trying to watch the film. They also need to film through-shots of attendees, even those that don't want to be filmed, with their bright lights on. For some reason they need to be able to film each course of food as it arrives on the table. They need to have prime position in front of the screen even though they are not paying to attend the event. And, for some reason unbeknownst to me or my friends, they need to talk loudly all the way through the movie because they have seen it before and completely and selfishly disregard the needs of people that have paid to attend.

We did complain. Not only have we been in Dubai long enough to see through the blah that surrounds Slag Mags taking your photo at an event, but we've been here long enough to buff off our too-polite British corners and not be afraid to speak up when we feel we've been wronged. We complained eloquently (and politely) that we went to the event to enjoy a nice dinner and a movie that we hadn't seen before with friends. For our troubles Nabil furnished us with another bottle of previously stated scrummy wine. To be fair to him we should not have accepted his offer but now that all is said and done, he can't buy us off. Our ire is too great.

The final irony is that the evening, in concept, is an excellent one. The food was delicious (and we discovered rather late, themed nicely around Moroccan cuisine); Casablanca was excellent (there is a reason it's a classic); and the company was sublime. The ambience would have been perfect had Nabil, Turner Classic Movies and the media they were courting not been there.

I'm really quite fed up with Dubai at the moment. It's not the place or the people running it as such. I have a nice life here that I am very grateful for. I pride myself on my integrity, I speak honestly and openly about what I see, I'm tactful when I need to be, I give money and time to good causes and I say thank you to the Universe, but the people within Dubai are really starting to grate on my nerves. The selfishness for material gain I see is astonishing and the lack of thought for the customer bizarre. Marketing (and PR) 101: if you want your product or service to do well in this city, all you have to do is think of the customer's needs and wants, make it easy for them to consume your product or service (that's called customer service by the way) and you'll stand out head and shoulders above the sea of mediocrity that operates here. Why don't people wake up to that? Wake up and smell the irony!